Promoting mental health in in the family setting
On this page you will learn more about:
- How to build an atmosphere that promotes mental health
- Conflict management – general tips for parents
- Step-by-step: How to help your child with an emotional problem
- Support for parents (parents’ telephone)
How to build an atmosphere that promotes mental health
In many families, mental health is still a taboo subject. The topic becomes easier for children if their parents talk to them about it and explain what it is. If children realise that their parents are open to the subject, it is easier for them to talk about it if they themselves have problems with mental health.
So, it helps to give a good example and tell your child when you have had difficulties or strong emotions and how you have dealt with them. That way the child learns that emotions (whether joy, anger or sadness) are part of life and what strategies there are for dealing with them.
Here are some tips that can help to create an atmosphere that promotes mental health:
Be a role model.
Deal openly with your emotions and show empathy towards others and your child.
Ask questions and be curious – and not just about school performance.
e.g. “What subjects do you like?”, “What don’t you like?”, “What clubs or teams or activities are you involved in or do you want to be involved?”, “Are you lonely?”
Talk openly about things that your child is concerned with during puberty.
Signal to your child that they can turn to you with any questions they may have (like identity, sexuality, independence, career, …).
Avoid sole focus on grades.
If you’re only focused on grades, you end up having a teenager who is thinking that they are only as good as their last performance and this in turn can increase school pressure and possibly test anxiety.
Instead focus on the effort they make and non-performance related achievements like being empathic.
Allow for unstructured time.
Kids and teens need to have at least some time each day just to “mess around.”
It doesn’t always have to be schoolwork or planned extracurricular activities. It’s even better if this downtime can happen outdoors in nature.
Have dinner with your kids whenever possible.
It’s a good chance to listen for problems and get ahead of them so they’re easier to deal with.
It’s also important for your child to know that the family unit can relieve it from stress (The family is there no matter what).
Spend quality time with your child to promote your relationship.
Plan at least a bit of time during the week to do something together with your child that you both like doing (this is very individual – there is no general recommendation that fits for everybody).
For example: cooking together, watching a movie, go on a trip, do something creative together, listen to/make music together, …
Conflict management – general tips for parents
Avoid You-messages, use I-messages
You-messages are statements, judgements and evaluations of other people. The other person feels hurt and blocked (“You did it wrong”). I-messages, in contrast, allow feelings and needs to be recognised. This creates more understanding in the other person and promotes a dialogue. The behaviour of the other person is not judged and no reproach is made.
Talk about your emotions / how it makes you feel
Following on from the I-messages, it is important to convey to the other person what the situation/saying/problem does to you. Use I-messages for this (“I’m worried about you when you don’t do your homework or study”).
Use clear wording
Unclear or indirect formulations only lead to the other person not understanding correctly. It’s easier if nobody talks around it. Example: “I think it would be better for you if you spend less time on your smartphone” instead of “When I was a child, we were playing outside and spend a lot of time in nature…nowadays everybody just looks at their screens”. In the second sentence, it is not clear what the wish is (namely that the child spends less time on the mobile phone).
Listen actively
Active listening involves letting the other person finish, but also making it clear that you have understood what the other person wants to say. Asking questions about the meaning can help to find out what the child’s needs are (“I can understand that this was a tricky situation for you”)
Create beautiful moments afterwards
After a discussion, everyone is often still a little sensitive. To create a relaxed atmosphere again and strengthen family cohesion, you can do something nice together afterwards, go for a walk, cook or bake something or maybe just give everyone a big hug. It also tells a child that conflict does not have to be something ugly, but rather helps to achieve solutions.
Step-by-step: How to help your child with an emotional problem
1. Listen Actively:
Provide a safe, private space to talk.
Listen without interrupting and show empathy; e.g., keeping eye contact, the upper body turning toward your child, a friendly smile and nodding during the conversation shows your child interest and that he or she is taken seriously.
Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experience.
2. Express Concern and Support:
Let your child know you care and are there to support them.
Sending I-messages: It is less confrontative and more sensible if your child is addressed with “I have the feeling that you have changed over the last time” rather than “You have changed”.
Use reassuring language, such as, “I’m really glad you told me about this,” or “It sounds like you’re going through a tough time.”
3. Gauge Severity
- Determine if your child is in immediate danger (e.g., thoughts of self-harm or harm to others). If there is a risk of harm, seek immediate help
4. Developing solution steps
- Sometimes children are overwhelmed by situation they feel they can’t control or are too challenging (like having to do a lot of school work, but also wanting to spend time with their friends or having heartache for the first time). It can help to think about possible solutions together or to agree on priorities and goals and to make clear that health is most important. It can also help to identify positive and negative consequences.
5. Limits
- In order to provide a supportive environment for your child, it is important to know your own boundaries and set limits. So, if you realize that your child’s stresses are getting too much for you, get professional help sooner rather than later
6. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies:
Remind them that the IMPROVA platform offers a series of resources for them to cope with challenges
Suggest activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as activities with friends, journaling, or physical activity.
Professional support
Click on the button to access an overview of different support contacts to find immediate help.
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