Feelings are an essential part of being human and everyone experiences them. They influence how we behave and help us to navigate the relationships with others. For example, to step back if we notice that somebody is angry or to leave a situation when we’re afraid. They can also influence how other people perceive us, for example approach us when we are smiling or to hug us when we are crying.

For our ancestors, feelings were important primarily because they warned them of danger. When a wild animal approached, a Stone Age man became afraid. Fear was therefore a warning signal. As a result, the Stone Age man was quickly ready to fight against the animal or flight.
Of course, we don’t need feelings to fight sabre-toothed tigers anymore. Nevertheless, they are important. Imagine this: You’re home alone and suddenly realize you feel lonely and bored. So that feeling sends you the message, “Hey, you probably don’t want to be alone right now - why don’t you send a message to a friend?”. Your friend reads the message and knows that you would like to hang out.

The feeling of loneliness has shown you what you need right now and also made that clear to your friend. It works similarly with other feelings.

Some feelings feel better or are more comfortable than others, so most people prefer being happy to being sad or afraid. Nevertheless, unpleasant feelings have important functions too, so if you suppress unpleasant feelings completely, their useful functions are also lost. Even if you manage to ignore a feeling for a while, it often comes back even stronger later on.

Instead of suppressing a feeling it’s better to proceed like this:

Feelings also have an impact on 4 components as you can see in the image below. This is called emotional net.

Depending on the feeling you are experiencing, you perceive things differently, think according to the emotion, feel a corresponding body reaction and notice an urge to act. Think back to the example of the sabre-toothed tiger from above: the Stone Age man sees the sabre-toothed tiger and becomes very terrified. Due to his fear, his perception is only focussed on the sabre-toothed tiger; the Stone Age man no longer notices the sun coming out or the first ripe berries of summer. Before the sabre-toothed tiger appeared, the Stone Age man was still thinking about whether the berries could really be ripe or whether he should sleep two more nights until the harvest, but now his thoughts are only focussed on possible escape strategies. The Stone Age man also realises that he has started to sweat, his mouth feels dry and his heart is beating like crazy. He also feels a strong urge to run away.