How to deal with heartache

Heartbreak is incredibly tough and can make you feel overwhelmed.

It happens for various reasons — maybe a relationship ended, whether it was your decision or not. You might have faced unrequited love or rejection. Sometimes, it’s just not working out, making everything seem to fall apart. No matter the cause, it’s a challenging experience that many of us will encounter.

Heartbreak is incredibly tough and can make you feel overwhelmed.

It happens for various reasons — maybe a relationship ended, whether it was your decision or not. You might have faced unrequited love or rejection. Sometimes, it’s just not working out, making everything seem to fall apart. No matter the cause, it’s a challenging experience that many of us will encounter.

Did you know?

Many psychologists draw comparisons between heartache and grief caused by the death of a loved one. That’s how serious it is.

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If you want to learn about this topic more interactively with practical ideas to make you feel better and helpful FAQs check out our eSano module "How to deal with heartache"
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Discover strategies for managing heartache

There are plenty of ways to deal with heartache that can help you out. Just remember, the best ways to cope are those that make things better for you in the long run without hurting you or anyone else.

If you’ve experienced heartache, you may have already tried some of these strategies.

Find someone you trust to confide in. Trying to express your feelings can help you sort them out for yourself! And it might be nice to feel understood by another person. They won’t be able to make the pain go away, but you can get emotional or even practical support.

This is probably the largest category with the most possibilities. You can distract yourself on your own or by having company. There are pleasant distractions (meeting friends, hobbies) and rather unpleasant distractions (homework or chores, maybe a hard workout).

But remember, even with coping strategies, balance is key. The best ways to deal with tough times shouldn’t make things worse in the long run. For instance, playing video games all night might seem like a good escape, but if you keep it up for weeks, you’ll run into problems like feeling tired all the time, your grades might start to drop, and your parents could get upset. So, it’s important to cope in ways that are actually good for you!

If you feel like you can’t help yourself, help someone else. You’ll feel better about yourself and the gratitude of someone else might lift your mood!

While distractions are nice to get a break from the pain and experience positive feelings, the bad feelings will come back sooner or later.

Pushing away feelings is a little bit like trying to keep a balloon underwater: You must hold it tightly, it takes some energy, and as soon as you let go even a little bit it will pop up again.

What does that mean for your heartache? The bad feelings won’t go away forever unless you deal with them. Feeling your feelings can look like this:
  • Crying
  • Screaming
  • Ranting to someone
  • Hitting a pillow or punching bag
  • Running
  • Curling into a ball
  • Listening to sad music
  • Journaling
  • Being creative (drawing, painting, writing a song or a poem…)

This strategy might not click with everyone. If you’re feeling really down, laughing might be the last thing on your mind, or you might not find it appropriate to joke about what’s bothering you. But for some, finding humor in tough times can be a huge relief. Whether it’s creating memes about your own challenges or watching a comedy show that brings a smile to your face, what matters is what helps you. Honestly, if it works for you, that’s what counts.

Reflecting on heartache can teach us a lot about ourselves and how we handle tough situations. It’s interesting to think about what you’ve learned from going through a tough time, how it might have made you stronger, and if there’s a silver lining to the experience. Also, imagine looking back at this moment two years from now; how do you think you’ll feel about this heartache then? These reflections can help us understand and grow from our experiences.

Things to avoid when dealing with heartache

Besides trying out these strategies, there are a few things you should avoid when handling heartache:
Remember: There is no single “right” way to cope – it looks different for every person. Remember that your feelings are valid and that it’s okay to take your time to heal!