Meeting new people

Here you will find answers to the following questions:
  • How to appear more likeable
  • Where to meet new people
  • How to start a conversation
  • Building good friendships

You want to learn more about meeting new people?

If you want to learn about this topic more interactively and would like to get the answers on our Dating FAQ, check out the eSano module "Meeting new people and making friends".
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How to appear more likeable

It’s normal to find some people interesting and likeable, and others not. Therefore, approaching someone will not automatically get you a new friend. But you can try some things to appear more likeable – and for half of them, you don’t even have to talk!

How to start a conversation

You can look for shared interests here as well: If the person wears merchandise of something you like, that’s a great conversation starter! Context clues help as well – that’s why people like to talk about the weather so much. It probably won’t be enough for a whole conversation, but it doesn’t have to be! You just need a beginning.

A lot of people are scared or nervous when approaching strangers. That’s totally normal! While you don’t have a right to demand someone’s friendship (or a date), you areallowed to say hi. Starting conversations is a matter of practice.

Your goal is to approach someone and to practice. That way, “success” is not measured in the minutes the other person talks to you. You’ve already succeeded if you tried to start a conversation.

Try working up to it – you could start by making a compliment or asking a question about homework.

Keep in mind: If someone doesn’t get into the conversation, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done anything wrong. They might just not be in the mood. While that can be frustrating for you, they have a right to keep to themselves. In the meantime, you can pat yourself on the shoulder for trying.

Dating seems to be an entirely different matter (your feelings especially). However, you’re doing nothing wrong by using the general information and tips above, since the basic rules of meeting new people still apply here. It’s totally normal to be extra-excited or unsure about what’s the right thing to do. There are many so-called rules in dating, that will supposedly help you, but really, they might just confuse you more. Instead try to be your best and honest self around the other person and to find out together, if you’re a match.

Building good friendships

There are a number of reasons for wanting to meet new people and it doesn’t necessarily have to be about building deep, long-lasting friendships. But even if you are looking for such a friend it might not be a good idea to aim that high at first, it may pile on too much pressure.
You are not good friends all of a sudden, you become good friends over time. In the beginning: Just try to have some fun and get to know each other!.

Sports can be used as an effective strategy to reduce stress or regulate your emotions. Thus, staying fit and active also reduces your risk of mental problems associated with stress like anxiety or depression.

Now let’s focus on how to get or stay active.

Naturally, every friendship is different and you should not try to “rate” it by time spent or texts sent. General characteristics of a good friendship can be:
  • You generally feel at eye level (you feel as important to them as they feel important to you)
  • You feel (more) confident and can be yourself around them
  • You are mostly having a good time and being with them gives you energy
  • You can talk to them about your insecurities or problems and they listen
  • You do not feel anxious or unsafe (like you could do something wrong)
  • They inspire and support you, if you lack the courage
  • You do not have to spend every free minute together: good friendships are not controlling but trusting and give you space for yourself