Mastering conflicts and difficult conversations

Here you’ll learn more about:
  • Conflicts as part of human interactions
  • What to do in conflicts and difficult situations

You want to learn how to master conflicts?

If you want to learn about this topic more interactively and want to know which conflict type you are, check out our eSano module "Mastering conflicts and difficult situations".
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Conflicts as a part of human interactions

Relationships can be really complicated. You want to say the right thing and not hurt anyone, but smaller or bigger conflicts can still arise and are inevitable sometimes. And that’s totally normal because everyone has their needs and feelings, that sometimes do not go along with those from others. While it would be great to always get along with everyone, sometimes we find ourselves thrown into tricky situations we didn’t ask for.

Even when we try our best to find a reasonable solution, it doesn’t always work out. Especially if a conflict really gets to us, we might not respond the way we intend to. Have you ever noticed that you might snap at someone when things don’t go your way, or completely withdraw when you feel overwhelmed? Or perhaps you find yourself caught up in pointless arguments time and again?

But how to handle them better?

What to do in conflicts or difficult situations

When faced with conflict, it’s natural to experience discomfort. You might feel inclined to avoid addressing the issue, hoping it will resolve itself. However, there comes a time when you feel you need to speak up. This urge to express yourself is valid, but it’s crucial to pause and strategize before the conversation.

Consider the situation carefully. How can you express your thoughts and feelings clearly and constructively? By planning your approach, you increase the chances of a positive outcome, transforming potential conflict into an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Think about a conflict or difficult conversation and how it makes you feel. Being clear about your feelings can really help in lots of situations. It lets the other person know what you’re feeling inside, which isn’t always easy to see just by looking at someone. Maybe you’re mad, sad, or feeling something else entirely—others won’t know unless you tell them. So, even though it can be tough, it’s good to talk about your feelings. This way, people can understand you better.
If you want to learn more about your own feelings and emotions, check out our eSano module "Exploring your emotional world".
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After becoming aware of your feelings, it is particularly important that you allow yourself to feel them. This may sound strange at first, but sometimes we “forbid” ourself from our own feelings.

A ban on feelings can sound like this, for example:

You are now well prepared for the conversation. Unfortunately, a conversation always involves two (or more) people, and the person you are talking to will bring thoughts and feelings to the conversation, just like you.

Of course, you can’t predict how the other person will behave. Nevertheless, there are a few things you can keep in mind:

Even if you disagree with something, it is important to recognize the other person’s feelings and take them seriously.

Try to put yourself in their shoes: Are the feelings understandable?

Compromising and saying sorry might seem like you’re giving up, but it’s actually pretty smart. When you apologize, you’re not saying you lost the argument; you’re just owning up to what you did in that situation. It can even help you and the other person get along better afterwards.

But remember, only say sorry if you really feel you did something wrong. Apologizing just to end an argument can be like saying “it’s raining” when the sun is shining—it doesn’t make much sense.

Compromise - doesn't that mean that nobody gets what they want?

Good point! Unfortunately, the word “compromise” has a negative connotation for many people. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Compromise doesn’t mean that you have to meet exactly in the middle. Nor does it mean that you have to have the same opinion on all aspects in the end.

In order to think about a solution at all, you should ask yourself two crucial questions:

The answer of the previous questions can help both sides to get a better understanding of the different view and to find solutions that both sides are happy with.

To summarise, it can be said that conflicts in situations with other people are part and parcel of life, even if they are often unpleasant for us. With the tips described above, you can learn to be better prepared for difficult conversations in order to achieve the best outcome for both sides.