Showing confidence in social situations

This section is all about how you can be confident and convincing in difficult situations without coming across as arrogant or aggressive.

You want to learn more about confidence?

If you want to learn more about how to stand up for yourself confidently and do this more interactively, check out the eSano module "Showing confidence in social situations".
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The Confidence Triangle

Whether you manage to appear confident depends on three things:

Your body language makes a huge difference in how others perceive you and if you appear confident instead of too shy or too aggressive in situations that require you to (e.g. if you need to stand up for yourself or ask someone for something you want).

The three images below give you an example of different postures and what others see looking at the person (the first person looks rather shy and insecure, the third rather upfront and a bit too pushy maybe, the person in the middle looks confident and relaxed).

Your body language also influences, how you perceive yourself! A confident posture can make you feel more confident.

Research: How posture and feelings are linked

Research indicates that our posture impacts our emotions. A stooping posture, where the back is rounded and the head is down, often correlates with feelings of insecurity or sadness. Conversely, adopting an upright posture, with a straight back and lifted head, can lead to positive emotions, such as pride, happiness, joy, or a sense of energy. This connection between how we hold our bodies and how we feel internally highlights the powerful interplay between physical posture and emotional well-being.

When speaking confidently, it’s important to express your own feelings and needs directly. Be clear about what you want and explain your reasons.

These tips can help you communicate more effectively and assertively.

Talking confidently means using a voice that’s clear and strong enough to be heard, but still nice. Don’t talk so softly that people can hardly hear you, or they might think you’re not sure of yourself. Also, don’t speak so fast or sound upset, as that can seem like you’re picking a fight. Just be yourself, speak up, and stay calm.

That way, people will listen to what you have to say and take you seriously.

Recap - The Confidence Traingle

It’s best to concentrate on just one or two specific things at first (e.g. just your posture, just what you say or just the way you speak). It is normal that it needs time to change something, so one step at a time!
Whether an attempt to be confident was successful doesn’t necessarily depend on whether you achieve your ultimate goal (e.g. convincing someone of your opinion). Even small steps (e.g. just paying attention to your posture at first) are a reason to be proud of yourself!

What if I still don’t feel confident?

Unfortunately, appearing confident and feeling confident inside are not the same thing. From psychological research, we know that behavior can be influenced more easily and more quickly than feelings.

It is therefore perfectly normal that you may initially feel as if you are only faking your confidence. However, practice and a sense of achievement can also change your feelings in the long run. So, the rule in this case is: Fake it ’til you make it!